Wednesday Wishlists

Hiya!! Welcome back to Wednesday Wishlists!

Since the first one did considerably well, I decided to come back with another one. This time, I am going to talk about opening up. Not just to the people closest to me but to people in general. I am extremely shy and introverted person, in fact, some might even call me antisocial. It’s not that I don’t want to be around people but being around people (all kinds of people by the way, no just strangers) gives me anxiety of the worst kind. Not panic attack bad but enough that I end up looking ( or rather feeling) like an idiot.

I have never been particularly outgoing or open in general and that’s been a real negative point for me in life. I have never been in a friend circle, not really. I don’t count friendships in school because they were, unfortunately, fleeting and while I do sometimes talk to the people from school, we were never close.

I think the problem was that I tried in my own way to open up and trust people but it wasn’t enough and so, people naturally tried to find people who’d talk more, be more open and try more. By the time, teens hit me, I had accepted that I wasn’t going to be someone who went out with friends every week or had sleepovers or did all the things that my peers seem to be doing. A part of me envied that but there was a deeper part of me that was relieved as well. The more I remained alone, the more I read books, I started finding comfort in books more than in the people around me. In a way, that’s a good thing because it made me read more but in another way, it was clearly damaging me. I was even more introverted than before if that was even possible by then.

It’s never been easy for me to open up to people, to trust them enough to show myself in my vulnerability…I know, I know it sounds like I am having a pity party but I just wanted to explain certain things before I started to outline my plans for betterment.

So, there you have it. I was pretty shy, pretty introverted and pretty timid. I still am, it still affects me in social situations. However, since the start of 2018, I have started to see how I can improve myself in little ways. I have noticed a bit of a change in myself, I am putting my opinions more firmly, I am able to get my voice heard. These are small changes but to me, they seem phenomenal. However, there’s always room for improvement.

So, here are the things I am gonna try my hand at.

1. Ever since I joined the bookstagram, I have become a bit more comfortable with people (strangers), it has given me a bit of a confidence boost so I would like to continue that in real life as well. I’ll try to be more open, and inviting. I hope this works  because I do like talking to people in limited doses.
2. As I mentioned before, I am trying my best to voice my opinion in a family discussion or social situation, I would like to continue doing that so that maybe I will comfortable enough to have proper conversations to people who aren’t quite friends but aren’t strangers either.
3. I am going to change my attitude towards interactions with people in general. I am always hesitant to talk or even participate and that has never helped me. I tend to think that my opinion wouldn’t really be counted or matter and so I never offer it and that’s clearly not the done thing. Not if I want to be someone who’s voice and opinions are taken into consideration. So, there’s that.
4. I am going to try to be more active online, I don’t have a plan for that yet but I will just keep on doing what I have been doing these last few months. Like and comment. But comment in a way that’s productive and not just ‘yeah, same.’ or ‘omg, yass.’ They have their places but it doesn’t work every time, clearly.
5. A huge thing I almost forgot! Optimistic outlook, my personality is not naturally optimistic, I tend to look at the negative more than the positive and so, I have been trying actively to look at the positive side of things for the last two months. It has worked wonders! I am not saying that I am suddenly all positive attitude all the time but the negative attitude has lessened and there have been more positive than negative changes in my life so I am awfully proud of that, frankly.

So, that’s it for today’s wishlist. I don’t think I am setting myself too hard a task, I mean, I think they are sort of doable. What do you guys think? I am taking baby steps because I don’t think I will be able to take big ones, it will overwhelm me and I might end up where I started and nobody wants that, least of all me.

So, have you had the same problems? If yes, then how did you tackle them? If not, what would you have me try? Please, don’t feel shy in sharing your thoughts on this, I can use all the help I can get, if I am being honest. I am a mess. Hehe.