Things never end the way we want them to, not unless we make sure of that. The thing is though, sometimes, we have to let them end them in their own way. Keeps life interesting. Now, you must be wondering why I am telling you this? It’s because some of the things I didn’t control in life saved me. Emotionally and physically.
I am very, very fussy about being on time, about scheduling things in advance, planning for them and making sure nothing comes in between my schedule and me. I am not saying I haven’t had ‘accidents’ but I always tried to come out on top. God, you should have seen me during my GCSEs and while I was college, people used to wonder at me and sometimes, they even hated me a bit for being so intent on doing things on time with such strict schedule carefully planned in advance.
Till I was in my twenties, I did just that. My life, for better or for worse, literally revolved around my plans and sometimes, my personal life suffered because of that. I wasn’t too worried about that, you know? In my twenties, earning for myself at a good restaurant as a souschef (rising through ranks, just as I had planned) was a good professional life and that’s what I had always planned for my twenties.
However, things changed when I was twenty eight, one day, my then-girlfriend left me because I was not giving enough attention to our relationship or her. She would have been right, I was too focused on my career at the time and frankly, I am not sure I was that emotionally connected to her. However, that break-up process (her shouting at me and once, even trying throw my pan at me) took almost three hours. At the time, I remember thinking that she could have picked a better day or time. I had to be up at four and here she was screaming and sobbing at me at midnight.
Later, I was ashamed of myself for those thoughts. Later, I apologised to her for my lack of interest and attention. However during those moments, I was just waiting for her to be done so I could go to sleep.
I slept through my alarm, for the first time in many years, I slept through my alarm. I am not even sure why because I wasn’t any more tired than usual. However I did wake up, I had twenty missed calls on my mobile phone and I wondered at that. Not all of them were from the restaurant as I had expected, some of them were from my family, my sister and my girlfriend.
Confused, I had gotten up and called the restaurant first, I really needed to explain and apologise but nobody picked up. I called up my boss, same thing. I called my mum and she started to sob, I asked her many times what was wrong but she only cried. Scared, many scenarios went through my mind but before I could voice them, my dad took over the call and told me to check the news. I quickly switched on the telly and checked the news, apparently, there had been a blast and it just so happened that the restaurant I worked at had exploded. Along with the rest of the building.
I sat there, stunned. My boss, my coworkers, my friends. A strange understanding came over me and all I could do was just watch the video as it was telecast again and again. Then, my dad assured me that he would tell my sister about me being safe. That left my friends and my girlfriend. I tried calling all of my coworkers, the ones who got in the restaurant early never answered but some did. Those were the ones who had later shifts and we just asked if the other was safe and ended the call. What else was there to do?
My girlfriend was still angry at me, she told me in strident tones that while she hated me, she didn’t want me dead, so she was glad that I was still alive. The first sob had appeared then as I laughed at her. However, she knew me a lot better than I had thought. She gave me some moments to gather myself and then, when she was sure that I was holding it together, she ended the call.
She was officially my ex-girlfriend.
I was tardy because of my ex-girlfriend and I would forever be grateful to her for that.
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(I have tried to do something different here and I am not quite sure if it’s working. Do tell me in comments if it’s alright or if there’s something I should change. Or if I should not try something like this again.)
bookwormmuse 