It’s almost as if I blink and you are gone. One morning you were here, trying to scold me for being lazy and the other moment, you were gone. There was nothing left in me, you left all the good parts with me. I couldn’t even gasp because you took the very air from me. All the good things in life, you took them away with you. Nothing in life made sense so, of course, I made all the wrong choices.
I am not blaming you, god no, but I think your loss was responsible for a lot of bad things in my life, I wasn’t made to live without your guidance, I was far, far too young to lose you when I did. Nobody should lose a wonderful teacher like you, ever. You hadn’t taught me to survive the world without you, we hadn’t managed that far in our studies.
I picked fights, I deliberately made sure that I lose out on opportunities and to this day, I don’t know why. That’s what your loss did to me, I hope you aren’t too disappointed with me up there. I am sure you have wanted to strangle me in exasperation and true anger but I have done what I have done. There’s no going back now, just as there’s no hoping for you to be back. I miss you, maybe not everyday but when I do miss you, I feel as if my heart has been wrenched out of my living body and stomped on.
I blink and you are gone.